If you truly, earnestly want to be free from depression, you're going to have to do something about it before you'll feel the depressive mood lifted. Very rarely does someone just become instantaneously free from depression. Even with medication, there's often a remnant of depression left behind that you will have to contend with on your own. Most people have to choose: will I fight through the quicksand of depression until my feet are free from its clutches, or will I allow myself to be sucked under? We always have a choice to fight or surrender. The painful reality is, surrendering is easier.
I confess, throughout the years, I've had many opportunities to battle depression. More often than I care to admit, my initial response was one of submission; I'm striving to change that legacy. It would have been much faster to come out of depression had I not allowed myself to dive so deeply into it in the first place. Had I resisted at the onset, I think I could have prevailed. I would have been attacking depression from a stronger foothold than waiting until I'd been buried beneath it for months, or years. Some-times it's a short-term battle; waves of depression hit you for a few days or a week at a time. I still recommend employing the same behavioral modifi-cations. Why allow depression to squander even one day of your life?
My ultimate objective will be cutting depression off at the pass; avoiding
the pitfalls of entertaining depressive thoughts and behaviors at their incipience. For now, we're operating from the presumptive standpoint that we've already begun to drown beneath the cesspool of depression, and are in desperate need of a lifeline's guidance to shore.
In this and the subsequent posts, I want to delve further into a concept I call, "one task, one day at a time". I'd also like to expose some secondary complications of depression that can wreak havoc in our lives if we're not aware of them. Once armed with a plan, we'll be empowered to overcome them at the onset.
My personal first step was to admit to myself, and a trusted confidant, the truth of how deeply I was battling depression. One suggestion I will make, is that you seriously consider seeking professional help; doing so with the knowledge that medication won't magically rid you of depression. I believe having the expectation that merely taking a pill(s) will make you totally symptom free, is setting yourself up not only for failure, but for the potential abuse of prescription drugs. That mindset can cause you to seek constant increases in doses or stronger medications, hoping to find 100% relief. I'm of the opinion that antidepressant medications only serve the purpose of taking the edge off the most overwhelming components of depression, so we might then work to overcome the remainder of them through cognitive and behavioral modification. Again, that's my opinion; it's how I approach depression. My personal long range goal is to be depression free. At the very least, I want the ability to manage my depressive symptoms with the lowest dose of medication possible; if I have to take it at all.
In my last post, I lightly touched on our need to ask the hard question, did we want to be free from depression, and simply accepting ourselves where we were with the answer. I introduced the concept of doing just one task a day. Eluded to ascribing a specific time of day to do it, and holding fast to its accomplishment no matter the emotional battle that ensued. I'll add, it's not the task or its size that matters so much as making the decision to do it and following through.
Though I wholeheartedly recommend doing one task a day, don't condemn yourself if you don't. Be careful not to give yourself an excuse to do nothing. If all you can manage is to crawl out of bed and put on a pair of socks, do it. Focus on what you did, not on what you didn't do. Do something a little bigger the next day. I would encourage you to get totally dressed; it helps immensely. Try to wear real clothes; not just sweats.
If you're a female, as you feel stronger, work toward the goal of washing your face before going to bed. Once you're doing that on a consistent basis, add putting your makeup on in the morning, and find an easy way to fix your hair. Chances are, you won't really fix your hair until you're showering consistently, but find something acceptable to do with it in the meantime (put it up in a clip, etc). Men, maybe you need to work up to shaving. You'll be surprised at how simple daily tasks of taking care of yourself will make you feel better. These activities can have a transformative effect on us, if we'll let them.
With success gaining momentum behind us, my original plan was to talk about another tentacle of severe depression that can have devastating effects on your life; agoraphobia. However, we'll table that topic until next week, as I've been asked to discuss another issue. I agree it's of great value; Personal Hygiene.
If you've been severely overcome with depression, especially if it's been for a prolonged period of time, it's highly possible your personal hygiene habits have suffered along with the rest of your life. This subject can bring shame and embarrassment; therefore, a person may shy away from discussing it, even with their therapist. I'll touch on it only for the purpose of exposing that it is a very common symptom of severe depression. If poor personal hygiene has become part of your depressive state, you're not abnormal and you're not alone. Secondly, I want to offer a realistically attainable goal for walking out of this cycle.
When you're already crippled by depression, it isn't realistic to expect to return to showering daily in one fell swoop. You need a plan you can commit to and actually accomplish. Remember, setting unrealistic goals is only setting yourself up for failure. People who've never suffered from severe depression don't understand how you can feel so loathsome toward yourself; so exhausted when doing nothing, that taking care of yourself requires more strength and effort than you can supply. But if this topic rings true to you on any level, keep reading.
For the purposes of my example, let's say you're only able to make yourself shower once every 7 days. Simply start where you are, and employ a one day at a time method of reduction. Each week, shower one day earlier than the week before. If you've been showering once every 7 days, force yourself to shower on the 6th day this week. Yes, I said force yourself; chances are that's exactly what you'll have to do. You can do it; it's only one day. I think you'll be surprised at the sense of accomplishment you'll feel. The next week, take your shower on the 5th day; the 4th day the following week, and so on. Each week, you're shaving one day off the number of days between showers; soon you'll work your way back to showering daily. If you get
stuck on a day, say on showering every 4 days, don't beat yourself up.
Acknowledge your victories; know what feels like defeat, is merely a challenge.
Now you're taking your shower every 4 days instead of every 7; that's a huge success! If once every 4 days is all the pressing through the pressure you can do right now, then do it with pride. My only caution is that we make sure we're not afraid of the pressure or challenge. Being challenged doesn't mean you can't succeed. Being pressured doesn't mean you're being crushed. Basically, we need to make sure we're not procrastinating or giving up. If once every 4 days is the best you can do for a couple of weeks, do it without condemnation. But do it ready and willing to move to the 3rd day as soon as you genuinely can.
It's possible, even probable, you may not feel like changing. You may still feel the heavy burden and dread of getting into the shower...until you're actually there. Once in, you may realize it's not such a big deal, and wonder why it ever felt so overwhelming. My point is, if we wait until we feel like changing, we won't change. It's all about making healthy life decisions; a commitment to live by wise choices, not based on how we feel.
Obviously, the improved hygiene phase will take several weeks to master, which is perfectly ok. While working on it, I hope you'll allow music to be a part of your life; it can be very healing. Try listening to uplifting music at least 30 minutes a day. I believe you'll begin to see joy return to your dry soul; I know it's been working for me. Please continue accomplishing at least one task per day, even though it's hard to do. Reward yourself in some small way for accomplished goals; buy yourself a candy bar, a cappuccino, or watch a favorite TV show, etc.
I believe how we feel will change over time. In all honesty, even if it doesn't, personally, I would rather have the results of wise/healthy decision making than the fruit of decisions born from the abyss of my depression.
Until next time, please remember that you matter; you have something to contribute, and I hope you'll share it.
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