I'm still walking out of depression, myself. You may wonder why I didn't wait until I was completely out before I started blogging about it. My answer is twofold. First, I think it's helpful to get beyond ourselves when fighting negative emotions; do the opposite of what we feel. If we're feeling lonely, go visit someone in a nursing home; bake cookies and take them to a shut-in, etc. While battling depression, it came to me it would be healthier to get my eyes outward, and try to help someone else out of this mess. I can only help you to the degree I've helped myself. These steps are ones I've taken and am standing on, ready to take the next.
My desire is to be honest, transparent, and relatable. In full disclosure, I'm reminded of what Paul said in Philippians 3:12-14...
12 "Not that I have already obtained it [this goal of being Christlike] or have already been made perfect, but I actively press on [a]so that I may take hold of that [perfection] for which Christ Jesus took hold of me and made me His own. 13 [b]Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have made it my own yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the [heavenly] prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Footnote:
- Lit even if I may. Paul knew that he could not really reach perfection in this life, but his goal was to “press on” as if it were attainable."
I may never get all this down in synchronized succession; I may just hit my own advice a fraction of the time. That's ok; I intend to get as close to all the time as I can. Forgetting my failures (what lies behind), I'm determined to press on toward being 100% depression free. My purpose in writing this is to leave a path for you to follow.
I want to focus on a little discussed phenomenon related to severe depres-sion, agoraphobia. Don't be too quick to dismiss this issue, thinking it could never happen to you. You'd be surprised at how subtly it creeps in, wraps it tentacles around you, and squeezes the breath of freedom from your body.
Many times, severe depression and elevated anxiety run hand-in-hand. Stop and examine your life and see if there isn't a remnant of truth in that for you, too. The anxiety of which I speak, reveals itself through severe dread or stress related to leaving the house for things as simple as running to the store, going to doctor appointments, or as serious as going to work. There's no logical reason for the anxiety, but it's there nonetheless. You can even become anxious about being anxious; I did.
Agoraphobia slowly engulfed me; so slowly, I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. I was afraid to leave the house. I could offer no rational explanation for my anxiety. As soon as I started getting ready to go, sometimes as soon as I started thinking about leaving, I became paralyzed at the mere prospect of walking out the door. It was crippling, and I knew it was a very serious situation. I had to get it under control before I became one of those people who don't leave their home for years. You may scoff, but this is precisely how those things can, and do begin.
I was only leaving my house one day a week, and then only if I absolutely
had to. The only way I could successfully go out was to take Xanax and be
on the phone with my sister during the entire outing. I'd be so emotionally exhausted by the time I got home, I'd collapse into bed; sick for the rest of the day. Leaving the house continued to grow harder. I was in trouble, but felt helpless to contend with the symptoms. I knew I had to come up with a plan before my fate was sealed.
The solution to my agoraphobia wouldn't be found in forcing myself to run errands for 8hrs a day. I knew this battle would have to be fought with the same principle as everything else; one day/one thing at a time. That will be a recurring theme throughout my battle with depression. I don't really have any earth shattering revelations. Just practical, common sense suggestions I hope will help you, as they've helped me.
I usually had to go to the store one day a week. I didn't have much shopping to do, so thankfully, it was a short trip. If I needed several items, I'd break my list down to what I had to have immediately, and make a list for the following week with the remaining items. The point was to keep the trip as short as possible. I got through it by calling my sister and staying on the phone with her throughout the duration of my outing. Being on the phone is how I got through my outings for a long time. I still felt anxious, but having her on the phone was enough of a distraction, I could get through it.
The next thing I added to my day was walking the block and a half to my mailbox. This got me out of the house and provided a touch of exercise. It drew me outside without throwing me into a crowd, and triggering social anxiety. The important thing was getting out daily. Yes, when I first started, I had to be on the phone with my sister.
I can now check the mail by myself, and make quick trips to the grocery store in the same day; without taking Xanax or being on the phone with my sister. Sometimes I'm away from the house two or three days in one week, and I'm able to do three tasks when I'm out. This is a huge success for me.
Just like gradually adding tasks to your daily schedule, you have to structure your outings. Determine a specific time of day to go, and then don't let your emotions back you down. This can be tough because you've got to fight both depression and anxiety to get out the door. You can do it. Remember, it's a decision, not a feeling. I assure you, as I've continued making healthy decis-ions to leave the house, my feelings on the subject have improved. Last week, I noticed I had no anxiety when I went to the grocery store. That can just as easily be you.
How long did it take me to improve? Honestly, a few months. It may not take you as long as it took me, or it may take you a little longer. I'd been battling agoraphobia for about 9 months, so I knew I wasn't going to conquer it overnight. How long it takes isn't the issue; hanging in there until you have a breakthrough is. You must press through the pressure of anxiety and depression. Anxiety is a liar, and depression a thief. Billions of people leave their homes every day, and nothing bad happens to them. You aren't any safer by consequence of staying home than you're in peril outside. Leaving the house isn't inherently dangerous.
Start small if you have to; maybe a short walk to a safe place where you don't have to be around crowds. Do that until you're comfortable; then try some-thing a little bigger. Try going for a short drive; try driving to the store, but don't go in, and home again. That can be your outing for the day. The point is to start where you are. Talk on the phone with a friend if necessary, and gradually work up to running your errand(s) by yourself. Don't get overwhelmed; know in advance you'll have to (continually) do something different before your feelings are different. Small steps and small victories; celebrate them both.
If you'll stick with this one day/one thing at a time suggestion, I think you'll be surprised at how much easier it will be, not only to leave the house but, to walk out of depression altogether.
[note: do not drive while under the influence of Xanax, or any other anti-anxiety medication, if it makes you drowsy or causes impairment].
Until next time, please remember that you matter; you have something to contribute, and I hope you'll share it.
I was only leaving my house one day a week, and then only if I absolutely
had to. The only way I could successfully go out was to take Xanax and be
on the phone with my sister during the entire outing. I'd be so emotionally exhausted by the time I got home, I'd collapse into bed; sick for the rest of the day. Leaving the house continued to grow harder. I was in trouble, but felt helpless to contend with the symptoms. I knew I had to come up with a plan before my fate was sealed.
The solution to my agoraphobia wouldn't be found in forcing myself to run errands for 8hrs a day. I knew this battle would have to be fought with the same principle as everything else; one day/one thing at a time. That will be a recurring theme throughout my battle with depression. I don't really have any earth shattering revelations. Just practical, common sense suggestions I hope will help you, as they've helped me.
I usually had to go to the store one day a week. I didn't have much shopping to do, so thankfully, it was a short trip. If I needed several items, I'd break my list down to what I had to have immediately, and make a list for the following week with the remaining items. The point was to keep the trip as short as possible. I got through it by calling my sister and staying on the phone with her throughout the duration of my outing. Being on the phone is how I got through my outings for a long time. I still felt anxious, but having her on the phone was enough of a distraction, I could get through it.
The next thing I added to my day was walking the block and a half to my mailbox. This got me out of the house and provided a touch of exercise. It drew me outside without throwing me into a crowd, and triggering social anxiety. The important thing was getting out daily. Yes, when I first started, I had to be on the phone with my sister.
I can now check the mail by myself, and make quick trips to the grocery store in the same day; without taking Xanax or being on the phone with my sister. Sometimes I'm away from the house two or three days in one week, and I'm able to do three tasks when I'm out. This is a huge success for me.
Just like gradually adding tasks to your daily schedule, you have to structure your outings. Determine a specific time of day to go, and then don't let your emotions back you down. This can be tough because you've got to fight both depression and anxiety to get out the door. You can do it. Remember, it's a decision, not a feeling. I assure you, as I've continued making healthy decis-ions to leave the house, my feelings on the subject have improved. Last week, I noticed I had no anxiety when I went to the grocery store. That can just as easily be you.
How long did it take me to improve? Honestly, a few months. It may not take you as long as it took me, or it may take you a little longer. I'd been battling agoraphobia for about 9 months, so I knew I wasn't going to conquer it overnight. How long it takes isn't the issue; hanging in there until you have a breakthrough is. You must press through the pressure of anxiety and depression. Anxiety is a liar, and depression a thief. Billions of people leave their homes every day, and nothing bad happens to them. You aren't any safer by consequence of staying home than you're in peril outside. Leaving the house isn't inherently dangerous.
Start small if you have to; maybe a short walk to a safe place where you don't have to be around crowds. Do that until you're comfortable; then try some-thing a little bigger. Try going for a short drive; try driving to the store, but don't go in, and home again. That can be your outing for the day. The point is to start where you are. Talk on the phone with a friend if necessary, and gradually work up to running your errand(s) by yourself. Don't get overwhelmed; know in advance you'll have to (continually) do something different before your feelings are different. Small steps and small victories; celebrate them both.
If you'll stick with this one day/one thing at a time suggestion, I think you'll be surprised at how much easier it will be, not only to leave the house but, to walk out of depression altogether.
[note: do not drive while under the influence of Xanax, or any other anti-anxiety medication, if it makes you drowsy or causes impairment].
Until next time, please remember that you matter; you have something to contribute, and I hope you'll share it.
No comments:
Post a Comment