New Blog

EXCITING NEWS!!  I'm branching out of the tree!

I've transformed Life In A Nut-Shell into a Devotional Blog called "In His Word"!

I'm working on writing a 12 month Devotional, so I'll be using posts to compose it.  I hope you'll tune in weekly and study with me, then take these devotionals and study more on your own.   

You've all been such devoted readers of the Nut-Shell, I hope you'll hang around and spend some time In His Word with me, too!   

NOTE:  All posts prior to Jan 2017 are from Life In A Nut-Shell, and are NOT part of the Devotional Blog.   

Thank you for your continued support.

- lesli 

'Tis The Season

We gather 'round ornately garnished trees and garland-lit pianos singing carols of peace on earth, goodwill toward men. 'Tis the season of love. 

Many, locked arm-in-arm toasting with voices raised in harmonious Joy To The World, lift glasses full of egg-nog; hearts empty.  Plastic smiles on mannequin faces. 'Tis the season of hopelessness.  

Do we hear the lyrics of their silent night, or merely those of the Holy night?  Brightness comes only from lights upon trees barren of gifts; holidays spent alone. No visitors, no phone calls from family or friends. 'Tis the season to be forgotten. 

"Said the night wind to the little lamb, do you see what 
I see?" Do we look upon our brother without seeing their pain?  Hasten not by a weary soul without extend-ing a hand. 'Tis the season of giving; give hope.


And now...

"May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope."   Romans 15:12  


Merry Christmas from my house to yours.  






"Do You Hear What I Hear"  by Gloria Shayne Baker

Turn The Page

In silent introspection, I turn the page and reflect upon the year behind.  What answer shall I make?  Is it not the same as before?  No ocean crossed, no mountain scaled.  Nothing.

Perspective becomes truth; mindset, surety of footing. Opportunities cannot be embraced while a heart is en-cumbered with yesterday's [perceived] failures. There must be a breaking away from the old if the new is to come. A breaking through the soil for the flower to arise and bloom.  A breaking.  

We fear the fallowing, yet there is a hardening for those who refuse.  Barricading the soul against the elements of Winter, hinders Spring's kiss. The issues of life can-not flow from a heart shut off. The potential for pain remains great when wells are opened wide.  Acceptance walks hand-in-hand with rejection. 

What then shall we say to this? Will we allow moisten-ing from the morning dew to soften the ground for the tiller; that slow process toward a promised end? Shall we welcome the sprig not yet a tree, or despise the days of small beginnings?  

Set the face like flint toward an expected end while embracing today's challenges with unhindered deter-mination.  Embark on the journey in high spirits and joyful anticipation, knowing that 'all things work to-gether for your good, as you love God and are called according to His purpose.'*  

In silent introspection, as the page is turned and reflec-tion made on the year behind, my answer is thus, I have stayed the course.  

  










*Romans 8:28 Paraphrased

ALL THE KING'S HORSES - (BIPOLAR) CONCLUSION

I continued to ponder my thoughts about Christen's creativity, and the possible roll being bipolar played.  I mulled over the events that had taken place while I visited her, reflected on her demeanor during severe depression, and her beginning stages of mania.  How could this be one person, how could she also have periods with no depression or mania, as well?  What this must do to her, how hard it must be to be her.  I was her friend, and had had no idea. 

Christen will never tell you there are times when all sensory perception is so heightened and sound magnified, that she’d like to tear her head off to gain five minutes of quiet.  You'll never notice it takes all her strength to force the pendulum
of her life somewhere close to the manageable boundaries
of middle ground.  How she lives constantly aware that at any moment she could teeter off the edge in either direction, or how exhausting her fight is.

She'll never mention the crying spells she can’t explain because even she doesn’t understand what causes them.  She’ll never tell you she battles depression to an incapacitating degree.  You’ll never suspect it, because Christen is actually one of the most positive, optimistic, most encouraging people you’ll ever meet.  That’s why bipolar depression is particularly torturous for her, it violates the very core of her personality.

Christen will never tell you that when she's working on a project for you, it's nearly killing her, or that she’s become manic in the process of getting it done.  You'll never know she'll have gone days with little to no sleep and all her creati-vity was focused like a laser beam to the point that everything else in her life disappeared.  When she's finished, you’ll never know accomplishing your project will put her to bed for days.  She would never want you to know it.

You'll never hear Christen say she feels like a disappointment and humiliation to her kids.  She'll never tell you most days it’s all she can do to just get up and do what she absolutely has to do.  Or that she can’t keep up with the things she should, and how that overwhelms her and of course, makes her feel like even more of a disappointment, to herself, if to no one else.  She’ll never complain about how sick she is of feeling like no-body understands what she’s going through, especially her family.  She isn’t looking for sympathy, just someone to get her, and not look at her with contempt and frustration all the time, to stop telling her she’s too emotional.  She’ll never tell you how being bipolar has made her feel as if she’s lost herself, like she doesn’t know who she is anymore; how she doesn’t trust herself . 

Christen will never tell you how ashamed she is that she went from being financially secure with a great job, to being unem-ployable.  From being someone who always managed money and budgets, to destroying her credit and being forced into bankruptcy because months spent in a severe manic cycle manifested itself in illogical and excessive spending sprees (a common symptom of bipolar disorder).  She’ll never tell you how alone she feels. How she's too afraid to let anyone close enough to find out she’s bipolar for fear of being rejected.

Christen will never tell you she would have rather the doctor had told her she had cancer than bipolar disorder.  She just wants her life back.  She'll work hard to conceal her alter ego.  She’ll fix her hair, put on her makeup and magic stilettos, and head out the door seemingly a confident, successful woman.  You’ll never know it's her costume, her mask. 

Christen will never tell you…

…but I will.

I hope you’re listening.

ALL THE KING'S HORSES - (BIPOLAR) PART VI

When I began this journey with Christen, I thought it would be easy to do a piece on people with bipolar disorder.  It was my goal to help put expression to the issues they deal with on a daily basis, and strengthen the bonds of support, patience, compassion, and understanding that friends and family have for their loved one(s) suffering from this disease.  The problem is, what I've learned about being bipolar doesn't fit into the neat little package I'd planned to wrap it in.

Little did I know what awaited me when I squeezed through
my friend’s door so many weeks ago.  I've learn how one-di-mensional the portrayals of every article and medical notation I'd ever read on bipolar had been.

Little did I know this chemical imbalance isn’t something you deal with on occasion, if and when it flares up.  Little did I know the symptoms of bipolar were always clawing like a
caged animal to escape, despite extraordinary attempts to
keep its affects contained.  I didn't know it was a never ending balancing act, a delicate calibration of medication, stress man-agement, and the sheer will to survive. Little did I know suffer-ers were struggling through the basic tasks of life that you and I so readily take for granted. 

So very little did I know.

During my stay with Christen, I had the opportunity to see changes in her cycles.  A cycle can vary from person-to-person, and even an individual can have varied patterns.  They can go from one end of the spectrum to the other in a matter of hours, days, weeks, or even months. 

Christen tends to struggle more intensely with the severe depression end of the pendulum.  She said she can get stuck in that part of the cycle for months.  Her worst depressive cycle lasted a little over six months; she was virtually incapacitated during that time.  She told me she became agoraphobic and lethargic, barely ate or drank anything.  She wasn’t able to care for herself or her home, and dealt with despair to the point of relentless suicidal ideations.  

I will note that under typical circumstances, someone suffering from that severe an onslaught of depression accompanied by thoughts of suicide, would most likely have been hospitalized for their protection.  I asked Christen why her doctor hadn’t put her in the hospital.  She explained she’d made it clear to her doctor if he did hospitalize her, she was far more likely to kill herself from the sheer terror and anxiety it invoked in her. She had devised an at-home safety plan for these times of severe depression.  A family member would come and stay with her until it was okay for her to be alone. 

This extreme depression cycle Christen experienced, took place shortly after she was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  Her doctor had not yet identified and perfected the best antidepressant(s) and mood stabilizer(s) for her.  Although she continues to battle bipolar depression, Christen has not experienced another episode anywhere near that severe.  It’s been almost three years. 

Through the course of our many conversations, Christen admitted she loves those initial stages of mania.  She confes-sed, when compared to her constant battle with depression,
“it’s like a breath of fresh air to actually have some energy
for a change.”  And added, “I know it’s probably wrong, but
it’s about the only time I feel alive.  I feel like I can take on the world, and actually win!  It’s amazing how much a person can get done when they’re just a pinch manic!  I know it sounds weird, but I’ve noticed time and again, that’s when I’m the most creative.  Isn’t that strange?” 

Christen’s offhanded comment about her increased creativity during her hypomania, sparked some curiosity in me.  Which part of the brain was being stimulated, and was soon to be-come dangerously overstimulated if she wasn’t careful.  Obvi-ously, there was a connection.  To be honest, Christen is one of the most creative people I’ve ever known. 

Suddenly I began to wonder if the chemical imbalance I’d per-ceived as such a two-headed monster in need of obliteration was in fact, the very essence of Christen’s artistic ability.  This begs the question, if Christen were totally free from all effects and imbalances of being bipolar, would we have killed every-thing in her that is poetic, artistic, and creative? If so, what would be left of Christen?



Join us next week for the conclusion of Christen's Story