IN YOUR ANGER...

I felt completely justified in welcoming the comforting wave of self-pity which rushed to defend me from an onslaught of verbal fiery darts.  Until that annoying "still small voice" butted in and suggested the notion that my fit of rage was little more than the summation of my true sense of self.    

When anger vomits forth from our lips, you can be relatively certain it didn’t originate from some random sour grape. Though I don’t altogether dismiss the occasional mumble, it’s not against those I take my stand.  It's toward the indisputable, unreasonable animal of rage I narrow the lens of my scrutiny.  

Rage cannot lie dormant forever.  At its core are questions beckoning; demanding to be answered.  With whom am I truly angry?  Is it indeed the bulls-eye of my venom?  What if a closer inspection of the recesses of my heart revealed the more shocking enlightenment, that “I” am the sole heir of my own disdain?  Could it be, that lurking within the deepest corridors of one’s self, there is some wounding, unrepentant sin, some area of unforgiveness or fear not routed out?

Have we become so proficient in masking shameful imper-fections from our fellow, that they have become hidden from our own conscience as well.  So much so that when another calls out our violence in order to bring healing and reconcilia-tion, in blindness to our condition, we lash out all the more?

What greater deception can there be for a man than to be unfamiliar with his own heart?  Why should I be shocked to find such chaos and ugliness there.  Is that not the condition of all humanity apart from the redemptive work of Christ?  Is not that working of His Spirit in me "from glory TO glory"?  Why then become self-deceived or play the fool, pretending I’m not still spinning on the "potter’s wheel"?

If the pressures of life have the concluding effect of working within me a "greater weight of glory", to stoke the refining fire of God Who alone separates & brings dross to the surface, why do I strive with such arrogance to bury that dross again amidst the gold, instead of resting in the blessed assurance that He Who began this good work will see it thru to the completion and remove it altogether?

When the physician applies pressure to my abdomen, I will surely cry out in agony if there is some internal malady.  The same is true when the Great Physician allows a "light and momentary affliction"; a Holy havoc in some specific area of my life.  The issue is not the pressure, but an awareness of my desperate need of Him in every fiber of my being.  I need His Presence, His intervention; trusting He is allowing only what level of  pushing upon the wound is required to locate the true source of the dis-ease.  It is not suffering for suffering sake; rather the opportunity to receive His remedy for my condition, that I might be relieved from all torment; always the internal (spiritual) first, then the external (physical) suffering.  Otherwise I might find myself like the "rich young ruler" who didn’t hear what was really being said, and "went away sad"…unchanged.

*words in 'italics' either quoted from the Bible or are for emphasis